Cindy Baker
Is your need for perfectionism affecting your productivity? Unhealthy perfectionism can drive us to exhaustion as we strive to reach our own unrealistic expectations. It is really a form of obsession.
Perfectionism is really an unhealthy obsession with flawlessness that causes people to set unattainable personal standards, compare themselves to others, and never quite feel “good enough.” It can make us overly super sensitive to criticism, even if it is constructive. Even if I know I am doing a good job, I dread employee evaluations because of this. And it can increase anxiety and other mental health conditions.
Some perfectionist traits may stem from ADHD. It can be a way to try and overcompensate for all the ways we have messed up in the past or for feeling “not good enough.” Perfectionism results from a need for control and an overwhelming fear of the uncertainty that can exists in uncontrolled situations. It can lead a person to adopt paralyzingly rigid roles almost like armor against life’s uncertainties.
Perfectionism can become a defense against the chaos that comes from being impulsive and weak executive functioning (memory, organization, planning skills, etc.) that comes with ADHD. Letting go of perfectionism does not mean we will get rid of all worries around mistakes, failure, and judgment. It just means we accept that they are part of life for everybody and that they can help us grow.
Perfectionism is really an unhealthy obsession with flawlessness that causes people to set unattainable personal standards, compare themselves to others, and never quite feel “good enough.” It can make us overly super sensitive to criticism, even if it is constructive. Even if I know I am doing a good job, I dread employee evaluations because of this. And it can increase anxiety and other mental health conditions.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), perfectionism is the tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance – above and beyond what is required by the situation.
There are some strong connections between ADHD and perfectionism. It could be overcompensation for past ADHD-related mistakes or for feelings of inferiority. For others, it is a form of self-punishment or even procrastination. It’s about incorrectly estimating the demands of a task or situation, misunderstanding when to let some things go and the inability of accessing resources to help you cope with a perceived challenge.
Being less of a perfectionist begins with having self-awareness and adopting strategies to get rid of patterns of anxiety and negative self-talk.
Perfectionism Can Manifest in Different Ways:
- All-or-nothing thinking (a fixed or rigid mindset – believing that mistakes represent personal, unchangeable flaws)
- Setting unreasonable standards
- Being too picky
- Difficulty making decisions
- Avoiding commitments
- Lost opportunities
- General unhappiness
- Being guarded in relationships
- Constant worry and ruminations
- Comparing self with others negatively – feeling like you’re “not good enough.”
- Self-criticism; negative self-talk
- Living by “should”
- Procrastination (to avoid failure or discomfort, perfectionists may delay tasks)
- Fear or reluctance to ask for help
- Overly sensitive to feedback; defensiveness
- Easily discouraged due to incomplete or imperfect results
- Fear of social rejection; low self esteem
There are 3 Main Types of Perfectionism:
- Self-oriented perfectionism – Associated with unrealistic, irrational standards for the self and punitive self-evaluations. This type makes the person vulnerable to several mental health diagnosis such as generalized anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.
- Socially prescribed perfectionism – Associated with beliefs that others are harshly judging and criticizing you. With this type, you may think that you have to be perfect to gain approval or acceptance from others. This type can also be connected to social anxiety.
- Other-oriented perfectionism – Associated with imposing rigid, unrealistic standards on others. People with this type may evaluate others critically, often without forgiveness or empathy. They are very hard on others. As a result, they often struggle with all kinds of relationships.
At its core, perfectionism is related to anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t like discomfort and uncertainty, so it tries to make the resulting feelings of fear and worry go away immediately.
Perfectionism is an inefficient coping mechanism for handling anxiety. Perfectionists try to avoid a possible disappointment, potential embarrassment or inevitable punishment or judgment due to failure.
To prevent stress and reduce insecurity, perfectionists create and impose rigid standards that they must meet to feel worthwhile. But the high, difficult-to-meet standards can end up fueling even more anxiety, creating a vicious cycle.
In adults with ADHD, the rates of anxiety disorder can be as high as 50% and symptoms tend to be more severe when ADHD is involved. Anxiety and perfectionism are linked.
Here are some things they have in common:
- Fear of failure – and of disappointing others. People living with ADHD frequently have moments when they know they’re struggling or have missed the mark in some way, and they don’t know how to fix it. This creates persistent worries that lead to chronic, low-level anxiety. The perfectionism often comes from trying to avoid unpleasant or embarrassing outcomes.
- Setting unrealistic or impossible standards of performance. A lot of people with ADHD blame themselves for things that aren’t their responsibility, or they beat themselves up for small mistakes.
- All-or-nothing thinking (black and white thinking) – If it’s not perfect, it must be a failure
- Constant comparison to others – People with ADHD often negatively compare themselves to neurotypical peers.
- Sensitivity to criticism – Sometimes intensifying to the level of rejection sensitive dysphoria
- Easily discouraged by setbacks – It can be hard to begin again, especially when the initial motivation was hard to get going to begin with.
- Rejecting praise – or believing that you don’t really deserve success (shrugging it off as luck)
- Depending on others for validation and approval
Every so often, it’s normal to worry a little and feel the pressure to perform well. Overcoming perfectionism does not mean eliminating these worries, but rather changing your reaction to them. Look for role models. Notice how people you admire get things done – and what they leave undone. Recognize when you’re being too nitpicky, and cut yourself and others some slack.
Do you struggle with perfectionism? What has helped you overcome this tendency? Let me know in the comments.
