Cindy Baker
Procrastination
ADHD and perfectionism share the trait of procrastination. Putting things off is a known challenge of people with ADHD, and if often happens when a task seems too hard, takes too much effort, or just seems incredibly boring.
Every so often, it’s normal to worry a little and feel the pressure to perform well. Overcoming perfectionism does not mean eliminating these worries, but rather changing your reaction to them. Look for role models. Notice how people you admire get things done – and what they leave undone. Recognize when you’re being too nitpicky.
There are different kinds of procrastination:
- Perfectionism procrastination – This is the inability to start or finish a task if certain idealistic conditions aren’t in place. These special conditions are believed to limit mistakes and reduce future shame.
- Avoidance procrastination – This is putting off or delaying a task that seems too difficult or extremely unpleasant. Having no confidence in their ability just adds to the person’s difficulty in figuring out how to measure and approach the task. Sometimes this is because of a previous experience of failure.
- Productive procrastination – Doing less urgent tasks that are easy and putting off the more urgent unattractive ones because of underlying doubts or fears. This delay tactic provides short-term relief but increases long-term stress.
So How Do We Escape the Trap of Procrastination?
- Build Awareness – How do we do this?
1. Practice mindfulness
* Investigate your perfectionism with curiosity. Ask yourself what standard are you trying to meet and why? What is the underlying worry? How can you shift that?
* What is going on psychologically before the perfectionism? Do you need to feel accepted, good enough and praised? These desires often lie underneath perfectionism and go along with having ADHD
* Address imposter syndrome, fear of failure, and shame – “I would be so embarrassed if people found out that I’m really not as together as I appear.” “If I mess up, I’m a bad person.” Sound familiar? We make mistakes and we expect judgement, humiliation, or rejection. This creates a false belief that we are somehow deficient and often accompanies ADHD and perfectionism.
* Talk supportively to yourself – “We all make mistakes; this doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.” “I’m trying my best, and sometimes it will not work out. That’s OK” Sticky notes
- Shift Your Focus
- Pay attention to what’s working instead of what isn’t – Notice the good as much as or more than you notice challenges. Research shows that gratitude reduces negativity and fosters a positive outlook.
- Learn to enjoy small achievements as much as big ones – I know this is difficult for a perfectionist, but with practice, you’ll learn to set accurate expectations for yourself and others. If you start appreciating the “little” things, you will soon notice how they add up to a larger sense of self-worth.
- Stop comparing your insides to other people’s outsides – Avoid “compare and despair.” Many people hide their worries and fears. Don’t assume they’re in a better place because they look, or act more put together than you. Instead of looking sideways, glance backward to acknowledge how far you’ve come and look forward to see where you are going.
- Accept Mistakes –
- Know that learning – and making mistakes – are important parts of living. A fixed mindset limits you to believe that mistakes represent personal, unchangeable flaws. With a growth mindset (or one of a recovering perfectionist), you know that you can make a mistake, pick yourself up, and try again.
- Practice self-compassion – Be kinder to yourself when things don’t turn out like you want. Avoid harsh self-talk and turn your attention away from the internal noise of worthlessness (again, mindfulness)
- Notice your progress – Anxiety erases memories of success. Keep track of your moments of triumph because they offer you hope for the future.
- Receive Feedback with Grace
- Feedback is important. Someone will always have something to say about you and your actions. Try to accept what you hear, negative or positive, with neutrality and grace. Consider the source and mull it over before deciding if it has validity.
- Use reflective listening to deflect an overly emotional response – “What I heard you say is X, did I get that right?” This will ground you and prevent impulsive emotions from taking over. Plus, you acknowledge what they said without being defensive.
- Determine if there is any truth to what you hear – Are you the kind of person who dismisses compliments? Can you learn something from the feedback and make a change? How can this feedback move you forward in your life?
- Acknowledge feedback and be accountable without accepting unnecessary blame – Your goal is to stay present, avoid defensiveness, and stop a shame spiral triggered by critical feedback. Apply what makes sense to you and throw the rest out.
- Set Realistic Goals
- Use your own compass to determine what’s possible – Start to think about what you can handle rather than blindly applying unachievable standards set by others. Think about what you would like to move toward rather than what you think you should.
- Set limits if you’re unsure about meeting a request – Be honest with yourself about what you can handle. Stop and take the time to figure this out before you charge ahead.
- Differentiate your goals – There are goals we can complete most of the time with minimal support, medium ones, and ones not in your wheelhouse yet. Knowing the difference is important. This will help you determine how much space and resources you need to accomplish them. Try to have no more than two major goals at one time.
- Improve Executive Functioning Skills Tied to Perfectionism
- Time Management – Address the time blindness – use reminders, routines, planners, and alarms. Accept that life has time constraints, and that it’s reasonable to be “good enough” given the deadline and your other commitments
- Organization – Use a brain dump then prioritize your to-dos. Use ADHD-friendly organization systems.
- Planning and Prioritization – Use the Eisenhower Matrix to organize tasks by urgency and importance. Deal with distractions and last-minute rushes
- Emotional Control – Find simple ways to support yourself when you feel uncomfortable (deep breath, affirmations, reminders of past successes). Create a plan for how to handle stress and anxiety.
- Metacognition – Think about your thinking. “How am I doing? What’s helped me before?”
Every so often, it’s normal to worry a little and feel the pressure to perform well. Overcoming perfectionism does not mean eliminating these worries, but rather changing your reaction to them. Look for role models. Notice how people you admire get things done – and what they leave undone. Recognize when you’re being too nitpicky.
What are you putting off doing because you want it done perfectly? Remember, when it comes to productivity “Done beats perfect” every time. What do you think? Let me know in the comments.
