Embracing Change and Managing Disappointments: A Guide for Adults with ADHD
Unexpected change causes anxiety for all of us, but it is often worse for those of us with ADHD because our brains have trouble switching gears. We already feel overwhelmed by a world that won’t stay still long enough for us to figure out what’s going on, and when our plans get interrupted, or we experience a disappointment we can tend to get stuck ruminating over the unfairness of the unexpected change happening to us.
We can’t get out of our own head. We replay the past and our thoughts spiral. So, we don’t move forward. When our expectations aren’t met, we feel disappointment.
However, with the right strategies and mindset, embracing change and managing disappointments can become an opportunity for growth and resilience. In this blog post, we will explore practical tips to help adults with ADHD adjust to change and cope with disappointments more effectively.
1. Accept the Disappointment.
Accept that life is full of change. Disappointment happens to everyone – and it happened to you. It helps to normalize the situation. Go ahead and let yourself feel the hurt. Experience it. Vent to a friend (not a negative one).
If you try to suppress your feelings, they will act like a beach ball pushed under water – they will eventually pop back up somewhere else. You will end up overreacting to a situation because you are bringing old undealt with emotions into the present.
So, accept that you are feeling disappointed, but don’t stay there…..
Developing self-awareness is the first step towards successfully navigating change and managing disappointments. By recognizing your emotional responses, you can better understand how change and disappointment impact you, and in turn, develop healthier coping mechanisms.
2. Turn the Tables Emotionally and Reframe the Situation.
Instead of going down the rabbit hole of feeling sad, angry, and depressed, think about the person or situation that caused the disappointment and put the cause into context. Ask yourself, “Should I really feel this disappointed? Is it that serious?” Feel, then brush the feelings off and do it quickly. The idea is to learn from it and grow as a person.
Reframing means putting an objective “frame” around the event. Separate the emotions from what happened and get some of your personal power back. Sometimes it helps to journal this out. Your journal always listens and never judges you. I also like to talk to God about stuff that is bothering me. But get it out.
Then change your self-talk. Instead of saying, “This is the worst thing that can happen to me,” say, “OK, it happened. Now I need to figure out what my next steps are.” Remember you are not a disappointment! And this won’t last forever. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this? How can I adjust my course to avoid this disappointment in the future? What can I do differently next time?”
Be sure not to take it personally. It may or may not be your fault, but de-personalize it. So what if something didn’t go as you expected or wanted? You can’t control other people, but you can control your attitude.
Examine the source. If it is interpersonal, talk to the person. If they don’t listen, reconsider your expectation of them. Maybe it is time to remove them from your life.
3. Set Realistic Expectations.
One of the challenges adults with ADHD often face is the tendency to set unrealistically high expectations for themselves. When dealing with change or facing disappointments, it’s important to set achievable goals and expectations.
Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate each accomplishment along the way. This approach can help prevent feelings of overwhelm and frustration.
If you are truly living, you will feel disappointed sometimes. Remember disappointment will never happen if you play it safe and never go out of your comfort zone, but if you always play it safe you are not living fully. Having expectations is a risk. Do you expect perfection? Maybe it is time to change your expectations. Perfectionists stay stuck in procrastination because they are afraid of disappointment.
4. Develop a Flexible Routine.
Routine provides structure, which can be particularly helpful for people with ADHD. However, it’s important to create a routine that allows for flexibility. Embrace change by adapting your routine when necessary and remember that a minor disruption doesn’t have to derail your entire day.
A flexible routine will help you feel more in control, even when facing unexpected changes.
5. Seek Support.
Change and disappointment can feel isolating but remember that you don’t have to navigate them alone. Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups to share your experiences and emotions.
Connecting with others who understand your challenges can provide a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of loneliness.
6. Focus on Solutions, Not Blame.
When facing disappointments, it’s natural to seek someone or something to blame. However, dwelling on blame can hinder your ability to find constructive solutions.
Instead of fixating on what went wrong, shift your focus toward identifying solutions and learning from the experience. This mindset shift can empower you to take control of the situation.
7. Embrace Change as an Opportunity.
Change, while often unsettling, can also be an opportunity for growth and positive transformation. Rather than fearing change, try to reframe it as a chance to learn, explore new avenues, and develop new skills. Approach changes with curiosity and an open mind, and you may discover unexpected benefits.
8. Practice Self-Compassion.
Being kind to yourself during times of change and disappointment is crucial. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and remind yourself that setbacks are a natural part of life.
Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend and remember that you can bounce back.
9. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection.
Instead of striving for perfection, focus on celebrating your progress. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory. Acknowledge your efforts and achievements, and use them as motivation to continue moving forward, even in the face of challenges.
Focus on making positive steps forward. It is easy to focus on the negative (which only makes disappointment feel worse). But it is just as easy to focus on the positive (and have instant happy feelings). Focus on what you still have. Gratitude goes a long way.
Also, be careful who you hand around with. Avoid Negative Nellies and support groups where everyone whines and complains. People’s attitudes and habits will rub off on you and influence you even without you being aware. If you hang around complainers, you will absorb their disappointment. Like a vacuum you will suck in all their negativity.
Be careful of destructive comparisons too. Instead compare yourself with yourself and celebrate your progress.
When your plans are thwarted and you feel stuck, make a plan. Start small and takes small steps forward. Once you start moving forward it is easier to keep going in that direction.
10. Seek Professional Guidance.
If you find that change and disappointments are significantly impacting your well-being and daily functioning, consider seeking guidance from an ADHD coach or a mental health professional. Coaches and therapists with experience in ADHD can provide personalized strategies and support to help you navigate these challenges effectively.
In conclusion, change and disappointments are inevitable aspects of life, but they don’t have to be overwhelming for adults with ADHD. By practicing self-awareness, setting realistic expectations, seeking support, and maintaining a flexible mindset, you can develop the resilience and adaptability needed to navigate change with confidence. Remember that each challenge you overcome is an opportunity for growth, and you have the strength within you to thrive in the face of adversity.
